March 20th

I promise this is the last not-so-funny post for awhile..But I think I get a free pass today. As most of you know, today is a very difficult day for me and my family, celebrating my father's passing....But I have some random thoughts I wanted to share, you take from them what you want..I just wanted to write, it's all I can do sometimes..

Last night I had a dream that we lost Coco..We were in a very large church and she slipped away out of sight, and no one could find her. I was inconsolable, I kept searching for her and she had simply disappeared. Everyone kept trying to console me, but I wouldn't have it. It was almost as if people wanted me to get over it, accept it, move on, she was gone..I kept explaining that they didn't understand, she was my whole world, if she was really gone, I was done..But, in my dream, I decided, that just looking under benches and in closets, wasn't enough, I would have to scream her name at the top of my lungs...So I did, and she skipped out of nowhere, looking at me like, "Mommy, I'm right here, why are you so upset?" After thinking about my dream today, it kind of hit me that I tend to do that in life..I feel like I am searching everywhere for things, and if I would just ask for help or call out a name, the answer would be right in front of my face..

That revelation leads me to my next thought....The day my dad died, I sang a song to him while he was in his hospital bed. It was a song he wrote called, "One in a Hundred." A song about the parable Jesus told, describing a Shepherd and His lost sheep. The song was fitting at the time, because it was a song I could remember all the words to, and it captured the moment..My dad was my Shepherd, and my dad was also one of God's sheep...I hoped it would bring him comfort in his time of suffering..It was difficult to sing, because of the strong emotions at the time, but I did it..Not to plug his music, cause that seems a little weird, but the song is available on itunes, the composer is listed as Concordia Publishing :-)

And a final random note..I was putting Lindsey to bed tonight, saying her prayers, and then she interrupted me with a couple of questions about Jesus.."Mama, where is Jesus?" "Where is Heaven?" So I tried to explain them the best I could, to a 3.5 year old..alluding to the skies yet acknowledging that He is all around us as well..She mentioned Papa John, without any prompting, and I mentioned that he was with Jesus now..Lindsey wanted to know how Papa John got up to heaven? I didn't have an answer...but luckily she answered her own question, "Jesus carried him there, didn't He?" Thank God she is more versed in theology than me..."Yes Baby, Jesus carried him there.." She then smiled and rested her head on her pillow....a few minutes later she asked, "Can Jesus carry dinosaurs up there?" I answered, "Of course He can, because he is just crazy strong like that." Lindsey Lane then fell fast asleep...She was able to comfort me as well tonight, and that's why she is a precious gift..

Good Night....