Just another day..

This post is not meant for the squeamish. Being a nurse, I can handle most things, bodily fluids, that is, and not have a problem. As an ICU nurse mentor once told me, "Sarah, you will get to the point where you can wipe an ass with one hand, and eat a sandwich with the other." Yup..she was right. However, sometimes I even have to dry heave a bit with the ridiculous things my children do with their diapers, or in the bathroom in general..Moving right along...



I was anxiously awaiting a visit from our plumber yesterday. We have a pump that runs in our basement, every once in awhile for about 20 minutes at a time, loud as can be, and it usually occurs when we have guests over. So, after a year and a half of putting it off, we finally decided to call an expert in to assess the situation. We have had terrible luck with our plumbing in almost every home we lived in, which is 4 to be exact, and we have only been married for 4.5 years and together for a little over 6, you do the math...We have been blessed with having several bathrooms in each house, but we generally have one toilet that doesn't flush or overflows after any male uses it..So we broke the upstairs toilet in our current house, fairly early on in our stay here, just to keep the streak alive..Bottom line, we were gonna keep this poor guy busy while he was here..



Back to my anxiety, so I am scrambling to clear a path for the plumber to forge from our front door to the basement. Just prior to that, I had heard Coco clanging around in her kitchen, in the basement. I was happy she was playing independently for once, not needing to have her fingers dug into me while doing something. After a few minutes, she came upstairs to check out what Lindsey and I were doing. I looked down at the floor, and with her pants still on, her diaper was resting right beside her. Cool, I thought, she can take her diaper off..just what I need. I think it had actually shimmied it's way down her legs cause the diaper was a little big, and I might have put it on her while she was in motion..it happens..So I sniff her, smells like pee, soaked her pants and socks. But diaper was just wet, ok, I can handle that. So within a few minutes I have changed her clothes and duct taped a new diaper on her.



The plumber walks through the door and my daughters embrace him as if they haven't seen a soul in months, and thankfully someone was finally here to rescue them from their insane mother.."Sorry sir, they really like everyone, it's kinda weird." He was cool, didn't seem bothered, and I quickly showed him to the basement. As I walked down the steps, a foul odor hit me! I show the plumber to the bathroom and quickly survey the scene. Luckily, my sidekick, Lindsey, was also there to say, "Mom, it smells like Coco's butt!" "Lindsey, shhhh!!" I whispered, but the kid was right, she usually is. No chance though, I just changed her diaper. Then I spotted what looked like a pile of guacamole on the basement floor. I thought, I can't remember the last time we had guacamole...so I did what any sensible person would do, no I didn't grab a chip and give it a taste, I stepped on it. Yep, makes a lot of sense I agree. You know how when you step on dog poop it smells worse than it when it was just sitting there, oddly enough, the same thing happens with baby poop. Broccoli!! That's it!! I remember what she had for dinner last night. Coco is like a magician with pooping, there was no evidence in her diaper! Luckily, I was wearing Ted's slippers, so I set them in the corner, and then scurried over to the plumber. I was praying to God there was not another pile of guacamole in the bathroom, cause she would have the comedic sense to drop another pile in front of the toilet. I took a quick glance, I was in the clear. No I just had to cover up the fact that I was cleaning up baby poop and searching for more piles, while talking to the plumber...So I grabbed some paper towels and a candle, very subtle, I agree..I was able to wipe up the mess, find two more piles, and clean up all that I could, without the plumber asking me what type of corpse might be decomposing in my basement. Sarah, for the wine...I mean, Sarah for the win!!

Plumber then proceeds to tackle our upstairs toilet, while Lindsey observes, and throws out her two cents to him on what the problem might be. He joked, "I think there might be a dolly stuck in the tank." Really dude, you're gonna tell my kid one of her dolls might be in the tank? Now I know where will be looking for toys for the next five years..Luckily, she called his bullshit on that.

After all plumbing repairs were finished, and he is explaining to me what he did, which is like trying to understand Calculus for someone like me, he gets his coat on to leave. My kids, sad that he is leaving, run up and hug the poor guy. Then, as any farewell should proceed, Lindsey stands with her hand on his crotch trying to play with his tool belt. I, most likely, was full blown blushing at this point, just smiled and thanked him for his services...

I love my life..